What Muslims mean when they say they should be modest towards friends

 Modesty carries vast meaning in the Islamic teachings of ethics. It is something more than just decency or a display of good manners. Indeed, the element of modesty sums up all the good manners, decent behaviour and exemplary conduct of a believer not only towards God; himself but also to the members of the community to which he/she belongs. The Holy Prophet (ﷺ) in one of his traditions has associated the nice behaviour of a person with his faith by saying:

"A Muslim is one from whose tongue and hands other Muslims are safe". This means that true faith in Islam requires that a believer should not only be pious in matters of acts of worship but he should also prove himself a genuine believer by demonstrating gentleness towards his fellow beings. As a matter of fact, the Islamic teachings comprise two fundamental categories of acts: firstly the religious duties or 'Ibadat and secondly the social duties or Mu'amalat. Islam stands for maintaining a wonderful balance between and blend of these two spheres of duties. For this reason, we are required to avoid extremes of either path and should follow this guiding tradition of the Holy Prophet (ﷺ): "The best of courses is the middle course (in daily matters)". Modesty towards friends requires that we should take utmost care in using our tongue because this body organ can be a source of comfort as well as a weapon of inflicting injury on others. The Quran enjoins us to use our tongue in a positive way by saying:

"......... nor defame, nor be sarcastic to each other; nor call each other by offensive nick names". (49:11)

We all know about these weaknesses of humans and for this reason, the Quran guides us on these apparently petty matters which in fact hurt the feelings of any person. The Quran also forbids us from ridiculing our fellows because this may also hurt them and if they reply to us in the same coin then a vicious cycle may be set in so it says:

"0 you who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others. It may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let some women laugh at others, it may be that the latter may be better than the former" (49:11).

Islamic teachings also ensure the domestic and personal privacy of fellow beings. They command us to avoid suspicion of all kinds about others. The Quran says:

"O you who believe! Avoid suspicion such as possible for suspicion in some cases is a sin; and spy not each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs; would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?" (49:12).

This Quranic verse sums up some of the most common human weaknesses in everyday life. Several people do not bother to think about the degree of their sinful acts when they indulge in backbiting or speaking ill of each other in their absence. One is often tempted by Satan when one tries to spy on others’ private matters. This also leads to a feeling of jealousy amongst colleagues or friends and the Holy Prophet (ﷺ) has warned of the consequences of jealousy by saying:

"Jealousy eats up all the good deeds just like the fire eats up wood".

Then, we often experience a common happening when we see that any of our friends develop some kind of hostility. Here again, the Quran asks us to play the role of a peacekeeper by saying:

"The believers are but a single brotherhood, so make peace and reconciliation between your two contending brother and fear God so that you may receive mercy". (49:11).

This means a person who re-establishes friendly terms between two fellows gets the special mercy of God. Sincerity demands us that if we find any shortcomings in our friends we should tell this in a polite and decent manner so that they may rectify themselves without feeling insulted or hurt. The Quran repeatedly asks us to adopt a polite tone:

"Speak kindly to the people". (2:83).

The Holy Prophet (ﷺ) in his traditions has also linked polite behaviour with the signs of true belief. He said:

"The believer is neither a taunter, nor a curser, nor indecent nor an abuser".

He even went to the extent of equating politeness to an act of charity by saying:

"Even a kind word is a Charity".

Muslims should repeatedly exchange greetings with their fellows, as this is also a means of observing and promoting modesty and cordiality. At the same time, they are required to observe simplicity in their dress and on other occasions in daily life. They should be respectful and helpful to their friends and should be generous in helping them whenever such an occasion comes. Thus we can see that Islamic teachings are replete with guidance about observing modesty in all spheres of life.